podcast

Chapter 101: Daniels existentially explore everything everywhere

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The best movie I have seen in years is called Everything, Everywhere All At Once and it was written and directed by Daniels. Daniels? Yes, Daniels. Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert, to be specific. Two brilliant artists who met in college and began stitching together short films before working on music videos like Turn Down For What by DJ Snake and Lil John (over a billion views), Simple Song by The Shins, and Tongues by Joywave. Watch those to see their energy and magic.

Daniels made their feature-length debut at Sundance in 2016 with Swiss Army Man also known as the “Daniel Radcliffe farting corpse movie” and then followed it up with this twisting multiverse action flick Everything Everywhere All At Once starring Michelle Yeoh, Ke Huy Quan, Stephanie Hsu, and Jamie Lee Curtis.

And how’s this arthouse flick (with a paltry $25 million dollar budget!) doing? Well, it is the highest rated film of the decade on Rotten Tomatoes. It’s being credited with bringing back multiplex crowds post-pandemic. And the people who see it and love it (like I did) end up going back to see it again and again. (You’ll pick up so much more on the second time through and now I’m just itching for a third!)

Daniels create art for art’s sake — that David Foster Wallace Nature of the Fun ethos we’ve talked about before — and the result is this incredibly provocative and non-conformist stuff that just squeezes your mind until the smiles and tears start rushing out.

Let’s flip the page into Chapter 101 now…

What You'll Learn:

  • What is the greatest compliment for a filmmaker?

  • Why should you journal about a project before sharing it with your audience?

  • How might we evaluate our own projects?

  • What is the tension between humility and hubris?

  • How do we deal with imposter syndrome?

  • What is it like growing up with ADHD?

  • How do we learn to appreciate discomfort in art?

  • How do we supercharge our creativity and access ideas?

  • What is the education system getting wrong?

  • How can we cultivate creativity in our kids?

  • What should we question about sex?

  • How do we learn to live in a post-physical world?

Notable quotes from daniels:

“Tears come from laughing or crying but they're both the result of the intellect being unable to process something.” Daniels (Kwan) #3bookspodcast

“We wanted to create a movie that just smashed through the intellect, that cage that we've built around our brains so that we can just feel things that we can't put into words.” Daniels (Kwan) #3bookspodcast

“We're so disempowered because of how connected we are to everything. We now have access to seven billion other lives at the same time. None of us feel like we have any control and none of our decisions matter.” Daniels (Kwan) #3bookspodcast

“Of course people disappear into video games where it is a meritocracy. It's like you can actually spend a few hours and learn a skill and get points. In life it doesn't work that way.” Daniels (Scheinert) #3bookspodcast

“Kindness is power.” Daniels (Kwan) #3bookspodcast

“If you don't have humility, you won't listen. When you're not listening, you're not actually going to make something that will truly resonate with other people. On other hand, you have to have the hubris to say ‘My art deserves to be seen by millions!’ It’s this kind of crazy tension.” - Daniels (Kwan) #3bookspodcast

“Growing up with ADHD the moral judgment was I must be so lazy, selfish, I don't care about anyone else and I let everyone down because I'm so distracted. You just build up this view of yourself where you are a burden on everyone around you.” Daniels (Kwan) #3bookspodcast

“The difference between normal people who procrastinate and ADHD people who procrastinate is like we procrastinate until we want to kill ourselves.” Daniels (Kwan) #3bookspodcast

“Let’s start celebrating the pros of atypical brains. So many great artists aren't neurotypical and we want them to feel less shame about it.” Daniels (Scheinert) #3bookspodcast

“There's something so freeing about reading stories that are funny and perverted and profound. Where all the characters aren’t aspirational.” Daniels (Scheinert) #3bookspodcast

“I don't want to be a comedian who just makes people laugh. Like, that's kind of just the fast food of art. I want to say things and poke at things and get into provocative nooks and crannies.” Daniels (Scheinert) #3bookspodcast

“We don’t take drugs to come up with ideas. We take drugs to turn off the ideas.” Daniels (Kwan) #3bookspodcast

“I spent most of my life with my brain in this box of morality and a more traditional worldview. The moment that it got released, it forced me to stretch out in every direction in ways that I think some people usually wouldn't want to so creatively.” Daniels (Kwan) #3bookspodcast

I like being a cheerleader for my friend’s most unpronounceable ideas.” Daniels (Scheinert) #3bookspodcast

“We teach kids to be creative for the first few years of their life and then we teach them how to quit being so creative for the next 10 years of their lives.” Daniels (Scheinert) #3bookspodcast

“School is designed to create obedient factory workers. What we need to be teaching is emotional intelligence and resilience and collaboration and kindness.” Daniels (Kwan) #3bookspodcast

“When we're a team of fifty and we share all our food and we raise each other's children we're kind of an unstoppable species.” Daniels (Scheinert) #3bookspodcast

“We are the summation or the amalgamation of all of our influences, all the things that we consumed and read and watched while we were growing up.” Daniels (Kwan) #3bookspodcast

“We live in this world that is kind of post-physical and kind of the fictions and the other realities that are colliding with our brains at all times is now woven into how we look at the world.” Daniels (Kwan) #3bookspodcast

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Chapter 100: Neil and Leslie on the creative chaos of craft and the kindness of committed community

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Welcome to Chapter 100!

Thank you for four years of this journey and conversation.

To mark the move into triple digits I thought we could do a reflection and visioning discussion … back in the basement with Leslie just like we did in Chapter 1.

We will discuss some highs and lows, lessons learned, current podcast challenges, and some dreams for the future.

Thank you for being a 3 Booker and joining this heart-forward community of book lovers, writers, makers, sellers, and librarians. Whether you’re a bibliomaniac (like Doug in Chapter 99!) or trying to peel yourself off your screen to read more (like I was!), welcome, welcome, thanks for coming, thanks for being here to discuss life’s biggest themes through the power of reading.

Join us for the Chapter 100 check-in and then let’s keep going…

 
 
 
 
 
 

Chapter 99: Doug the Bookseller on bookstore belonging and bottomless bibliomania

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Just dial 416-482-5665 and chances are Doug Miller will pick up the phone at Doug Miller Books, an incredible stuffed-to-the-ceiling bookstore that represents a mere sliver of the over 500,000-book collection of self-described bibliomaniac Doug Miller. Why do I say chances are? Well, Doug works in his shop 364 days a week. He comes mid-morning every day and shovels the front walks of six of his neighbors in Koreatown in Toronto, Canada.

I have known Doug Miller for over ten years and it was a rare treat to spend an afternoon with him, with you, and with (as you’ll hear) an ever-growing ‘shush’ of booklovers. As we we tip up against Chapter 100 of 3 Books — four years of this conversation! — I thought where better to spend time than in an incredible bookstore.

We discuss why publishers ‘hate’ authors and booksellers, bibliophilia as a lifestyle choice, processing grief, helping reluctant readers, and, of course, Doug Miller’s three most formative books.

I hope you enjoy this aural feast with the incredible Doug Miller.

Let’s flip the page into Chapter 99 now…

What You'll Learn:

  • Why do publishers hate bookstores?

  • How can we expand ourselves?

  • Who was Edward Gorey? William Faulkner?

  • What is the real business of selling books?

  • What books should we read when we deal with grief?

  • How do you get reluctant readers to read?

  • Why do we need help picking books sometimes?

  • Why is non fiction so popular these days?

  • What can small bookstores do that big book chains cannot?

  • Why has it never been harder and never been easier to publish a book?

  • Why is it so difficult to pinpoint a formative book?

Notable quotes from doug miller

“Owning a bookstore isn’t a business — it’s a lifestyle.” Doug Miller #3bookspodcast.”

“I always joke that publishers hate two things: they hate authors and they hate bookstores.” Doug Miller #3bookspodcast

“It doesn’t matter what you read just as long as you read.” Doug Miller (quoting his mom) #3bookspodcast

”There’s a multitude of material out there to be discovered. I think it’s vital to the books industry and to being a human being. You’ve gotta become interested to make yourself more interesting.” Doug Miller #3bookspodcast

“When it comes to grief, first we are a part of it, then we deal with it and then we are witness to it.” Doug Miller #3bookspodcast

“Never lie about reading a book. It will blow up in your face.” Doug Miller #3bookspodcast

“You read books, you’re interesting.” Doug Miller #3bookspodcast

doug miller books:

  • website

  • 650 Bloor Street West, Toronto

  • Tel: 416.482.56.65

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Chapter 98: IN-Q invites intimacy, intentionality, and interstellar inquiry

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I’m very pleased, privileged, and proud to introduce or re-introduce you to the sunbeaming sage that is IN-Q.

IN-Q is an award winning poet, multi-platinum song-writer and the bestselling author of the book Inquire Within which I highly, highly recommend. It deserves an even bigger spotlight! It’s a wonderful collection of IN-Q’s poetry. Poetry? Oh yes. Oh, oh yes.

His achievements include being named to Oprah’s Super Soul 100 list of the world’s most influential thought leaders, being the first spoken word artist to perform with Cirque du Soleil, and being featured in HBO’s Def Poetry Jam. His poetry on YouTube has gotten over 100 million views and if you want to check out his work in deeper format I recommend his Amazon Prime exclusive IN-Q Live at the Ace Theatre.

He’s also a songwriter. He has written songs for Foster the People, Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez. If you know the song, "Love you Like a Love Song,” that’s him. He wrote that song. It went multi-platinum and won INQ a BMI award. You wouldn’t know by talking to this chill and humble spirit that songs he’s written have over a billion views.

What is this guy all about?

What inspires him? What can we learn from his walk through this world … and bring into our own?

IN-Q entertains, inspires, and challenges audiences … including our own.

3 Bookers, please get comfortable on the couch between us to talk about time, God, slowing down, moving energy, traveling solo, love, the metaverse and, of course, IN-Q’s 3 most formative books.

I hope you enjoy this conversation.

Let’s flip the page into Chapter 98 now…

What You'll Learn:

  • What does it mean to live in the now?

  • What is time?

  • What is God?

  • How do we slow time down?

  • How can we reconnect with the deeper wisdom of living in the now?

  • How should we move energy?

  • Why is it so important to put intention into our actions?

  • Why should we regularly check back in with our goals?

  • Why is traveling solo so powerful?

  • Why should we make time to be alone?

  • Why is choice so empowering?

  • How can we travel in our own cities?

  • What is love?

  • What will it be like to live in a meta universe?

  • What are the risks of living in a fully animated world?

  • What is Life’s purpose?

  • Why is the world actually one?

  • Why should people share art?

Notable quotes from IN-Q

“Where we came from and where we're going is the infinite oneness and hopefully holding those two thoughts in your mind and in your heart at the same time will allow you to fully embrace the experience that you're having without getting so lost inside of it that you don't remember that you're also something bigger.” IN-Q #3bookspodcast

“I think I am better at writing about life than living it.” IN-Q #3bookspodcast

“Most of my poems are me trying to remind myself of lessons that I have to continually learn over and over again.” IN-Q #3bookspodcast

“My poems are me needing to express a moment through an art form to move energy, you know, emotion, energy in motion.” IN-Q #3bookspodcast

“Life is incremental and cumulative.” IN-Q #3bookspodcast

On living life with intention - “I wish I had the answer, what I have is the question and the exploration of it.” IN-Q #3bookspodcast

“I don’t think that happiness is a point; it’s a range. … It’s a process not a product. It’s a journey not a destination.” IN-Q #3bookspodcast

“I do think that if you can focus your energy on just trying to make incremental and cumulative steps in the now to being the best version of yourself that your life starts mirroring that back to you.” IN-Q #3bookspodcast

“I wouldn't even want to be enlightened. It sounds not fun….I wanna take the ride is my point.” IN-Q #3bookspodcast

“When you're in pain, a minute feels like forever, but when you're enjoying (life) a minute just disintegrates.” IN-Q #3bookspodcast

“It's so great when you find those artists that are living in he same time as you are. They're (also) telling you what they think about a culture and where the world is.” IN-Q #3bookspodcast

“You're here to change the world and you're here for the world to change you. And if you stop either one of those things from happening, you're not living it fully.” IN-Q #3bookspodcast

“​​If you want to change your life, the fastest way to change your life is to change your environment.” IN-Q #3bookspodcast

“Your primary relationships in life are your anchor to the world.” IN-Q #3bookspodcast

“People are so afraid of being alone and that's when you learn how to be with people.” IN-Q #3bookspodcast

“Knowing that you have choice is so empowering.” IN-Q #3bookspodcast

“Try to love the people that you don't love at all. Even people that you hate. They probably need it most of all. And if you can't love them big, see if you can love them small.” IN-Q #3bookspodcast

“Life has a mind of its own.” IN-Q #3bookspodcast

“I actually believe that my life purpose is just to be a part of evolution.” IN-Q #3bookspodcast

“Life wants to evolve life. I don't think it even cares more about human life than life in general. I think life has a direction of its own.” IN-Q #3bookspodcast

“If we don't kill ourselves off, we will wind up realizing that we are one world.” IN-Q #3bookspodcast

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Chapter 97: Debbie Millman shuns shame to spark spirit and sew soulful symbiosis

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Are you a passionate fan of Design Matters like I am? It’s one of the world’s oldest podcasts and one of the best shows out there. Debbie Millman scratches her insatiable curiosity and explores what it means to live a rich, fulfilling, intentional life with luminaries like Brené Brown, Cheryl Strayed, Brandon Stanton, Seth Godin, and, of course, Roxane Gay. (All guests of 3 Books, too! Clearly we have tethers between our hearts.)

Where do we start with Debbie Millman?

Well, she’s ‘one of the most creative people in business’ according to Fast Company and one of the ‘most influential designers working in the world today’ says Graphic Design USA. She’s got a wonderful new book called Why Design Matters: Conversations with the World’s Most Creative People, a giant, heavy, amazing tome put out by Harper Design which serves as a compressed set of wisdom and values from Design Matters.

Debbie is the author of seven other books including: How to Think Like a Great Graphic Designer and Brand Thinking and Other Noble Pursuits. She co-founded the world’s first graduate program in branding at The School of Visual Arts back in 2010. For 20 years before that she was the President of Sterling Brands, one of the world’s leading branding consulting agencies. What did she do there? No big deal: She helped design brand identities and logos for Star Wars, Burger King, Häagen Dazs, Gillette and even the No More movement.

Is she an activist? She sure is!

She’s also working with the Joyful Heart Foundation to eradicate sexual assault, domestic violence, child abuse and the rape kit back log.

Fascinating and containing many multitudes, it was an honor and privilege to welcome Debbie Millman on 3 Books to talk about: how you avoid limiting possibilities, why regret cannot be metabolized, what happens when you’re public about your shame, what makes for a great interview, and, of course, what are the incredible Debbie Millman’s 3 most formative books!

Let’s flip the page and jump into Chapter 97 now…

What You'll Learn:

  • What makes for a good interview?

  • How do you prepare for interviews?

  • How can we find our identity?

  • What are the different types of happiness?

  • What is organic happiness vs synthetic happiness?

  • Why is regret so damaging?

  • How do we navigate ‘gaping wounds of need’?

  • What can help a self-soothing journey?

  • How can we heal from shame?

  • How do we learn to slow down?

  • Why do feelings of accomplishment not last?

  • How do we orient ourselves towards what really matters most?

Notable quotes from debbie millman

“When a book lets you experience what it means to be alive it is art.” Debbie Millman #3bookspodcast

“I don't know that I  fell in love. I think maybe love found me.” Debbie Millman #3bookspodcast

“The one thing that I would say is a real common denominator in the younger students I teach, is the notion of eliminating what's possible in their lives before they attempt to even see if it's possible.” Debbie Millman #3bookspodcast

“When you are young, it's absolutely okay to sort of fall flat on your face with really very little ramification other than maybe a bruised ego.” Debbie Millman #3bookspodcast

“Regret is not an emotion that can be metabolized.” Debbie Millman #3bookspodcast

​​”We can metabolize grief. We metabolize love. We metabolize hunger when we eat. We metabolize all sorts of things, but we don't metabolize regret because there's no closure.” Debbie Millman #3bookspodcast

“You must learn to self-soothe a gaping wound of need because no one else is going to be able to do it for you.” Debbie Millman #3bookspodcast

“We have to figure out how to self-regulate in a way that allows us to accept somebody as is without a requirement that they heal us.” Debbie Millman #3bookspodcast

“What feels so overwhelmingly shameful does allow you to reconsider what shame is.” Debbie Millman #3bookspodcast

“I use productivity as a way to feel valuable as a human.” Debbie Millman #3bookspodcast

“Our addiction to social media is probably fueling a lot of feelings of lack of value. Everything is about positioning and projecting a certain kind of image and  I think that that can be really damaging to more soulful experiences.” Debbie Millman #3bookspodcast

“I don't think that people are really addicted to their devices per se. I think that they're addicted to the feelings that they get through the devices” Debbie Millman #3bookspodcast

“I don't think anybody ever comes away from Instagram after 30 minutes of scrolling feeling really good about themselves but yet we do it. “ Debbie Millman #3bookspodcast

“Poetry is really the highest art form.” Debbie Millman #3bookspodcast

“Expect anything worthwhile to take a long time.”Debbie Millman #3bookspodcast

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Chapter 96: Dave the CEO on stratospheric strategizing and subtle secrets of success

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David Cheesewright is the former CEO of Walmart International.

In that role he led over one million people, across more than 50 different businesses, and over 30 countries.

A behemoth! Both the job and the company. How much of a behemoth? Well, Walmart is literally #1 overall on the Fortune 500 which means no company in the entire world made more money than they did.

How did a small town store from Bentonville, Arkansas rise to be the largest company in the world? Well, one big way they did it is through leadership. For over 20 years, one of the seniormost leaders at Walmart was Dave Cheesewright. Humble, down to earth, soft spoken, and lightning quick, Dave epitomized Level 5 Leadership, to borrow a phrase from Jim Collins. I was lucky to have a development role working for Dave when he was President and CEO of Walmart Canada. It was the most formative role of my career and I trace many stories and models in my books directly back to conversations and lessons I learned from Dave.

There was always something magical about Dave.

He was a former gym teacher who owned only one slightly crumpled suit and drove a beat-up van to work when he wasn’t showing up sweaty in the hallways after riding his bike. He had no fancy business degrees and was a true family man who was always home for dinner with his wife Clare and their three kids. He had a smaller office than his direct reports and ate two-dollar egg salad sandwiches at lunch amongst all the employees in the Home Office cafeteria. He would sometimes mention in the morning that he knocked on a Walmart in the middle of the night so he could help stock shelves on the overnight shift. He never used email, cancelled every meeting he could, personally phoned associates across the country to say thank you, and insisted every one-pager presented to him pass “The Grandma Test” (“Would my grandma who knows nothing about this business understand it?”).

Dave was promoted from CEO of Walmart Canada to CEO of Walmart EMEA (Europe, Middle East, and Africa) and later promoted again to CEO of Walmart International. What does a CEO overseeing over a million people actually … do? Well, that’s just one thing we’re going to talk about.

If you are a fan of the strategic thinking big time CEOs offer you’re going to love this conversation with a guy who thinks 500,000-feet above sea level.

What does a CEO do? What does a board of directors do? How do you make business simpler? What is the paradox of choice? How do we take an even more global view of things? How might we think about AI? What are the basic tenets of retail? Why shouldn’t you answer emails? How do you become a better delegator? What is the S-Curve in business? And much, much, much more…

I was thrilled to sit down with David Cheesewright, former CEO of Walmart International, in his living room to talk about his 3 most formative books.

I hope you love this conversation as much as I did.

Let’s flip the page into Chapter 96 now…

What You'll Learn:

  • What is the value of taking handwritten notes?

  • How should one manage the initial stages of retirement?

  • What is the value exchange?

  • What is the job of a Fortune 500 Company CEO?

  • What is the key to cultivating talent?

  • What is the S-Curve in business?

  • How does the CEO of a major company deal with imposter syndrome?

  • What does a Board of Directors for a public company actually do?

  • What is the moral obligation of a Board of Directors?

  • How can a company truly live by its values?

  • Why is what matters most invisible?

  • How can businesses become simpler?

  • What is the paradox of choice?

  • What are some of the greatest challenges the workforce faces?

  • Is outsourcing manufacturing to China a force for good in the world?

  • What are the limitations of governance in a globalized world?

  • How does AI stack up?

  • What book will help you flirt?

  • How can good habits serve us at different stages of life?

  • Why should you not answer emails?

  • Why should we delegate more?

  • What is the importance of perspective?

  • What does achieving a balance over life mean?

Notable quotes from dave cheesewright

“What’s really important in jobs where you are not there full time is what you might call the value exchange. Do you feel valued in the experience and the knowledge and advice that you can give and does the company feel like you are valuable.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“It’s not about the strategy; it’s about the people.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“It’s about finding great people and then putting them in the right jobs at the right time.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“All the right leaders are authentic so you want to find roles that play to their strengths.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“The job of a leader is to create an environment where people excel.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“There is no one best line-up” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“Success is judged in many ways.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“You need to be content that you are somewhere where you can be yourself, you're giving it the best shot you can and you're happy with your own contribution.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“Judgements are in the eye of the beholder but the only beholder that matters is me, my family and my close friends” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“It’s very hard to know what goes on simply by listening to someone speak.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“The best board members are the ones who understand that getting into the business and finding those less formal conversations with leaders is the way to know what’s going on.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“In a formal environment there will always be an element of game playing that is going on but I find informal environments dispense with a lot of that.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“The challenge with big business is the bigger you are, the more misperceptions will exist irrespective of what your behaviour is.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“When you get big it is really hard to make sure everything is correct all the time. You will often get dealt with by your exceptions. There is no process in the world that can counter that but culture can counter that.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“If there is a set of values for a business they need to be more than a set of words on a wall. And to do that a leader has to be a student of them and a teacher of them.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“You don’t solve broad issues by policy. You change them by behaviour and values.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“Simplicity is about providing people with a route map.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“Strategy is about simplifying things for people. It’s about finding frameworks that are narrow enough that they mean people are running in roughly the right direction but broad enough that they’ll stand the test of time.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“Simplicity is about finding frameworks that allow people to see the wood from the trees.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“The simplest way to drive up your perception of choice is to take product out because the more product you take out, the easier it is to find what you really want and therefore you feel like your choice has gone up.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“The profound issues that face the world require very long term thinking.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“The theory of unintended consequence means that in almost every aspect of life, what made you great is usually your biggest downfall.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“What AI misses is humanity.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“There aren’t many things that machines can do better than humans.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“There is something unique about the way humans will think that machines won’t replicate.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“The more you read the more you see similar concepts emerging.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“It’s very hard for the brain to inquire once it has become judgemental” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“There is no book out there where you won’t learn something. There is no experience out there where you won’t learn something.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“When you don’t answer emails, more often than not what people will do is take it as implicit permission to go and solve it themselves.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“With delegation risk is way lower than you think. And the reason it's low is because most things are not earth shattering, whether someone gets it right and wrong and even when they get it wrong, it's a phenomenal learning exercise for them.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“Different phases allow you to redress balances” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

“I think the ability not to look back and wish you were doing something that is no longer there is really important. Just look forward to the things you can do.” Dave Cheesewright #3bookspodcast

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Chapter 95: Bess Kalb on kvetching over koans and kindling comic kinship

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“Why are women, who have the whole male world at their mercy, not funny? Please do not pretend to know what I am talking about.”

So begins a 2007 Vanity Fair article by Christopher Hitchens called “Why Women Aren’t Funny”.

College student Bess Kalb picked up a copy of the magazine, read it on her train ride from New York to Rhode Island, and, in her words, “became radicalized.” She decided then and there to drop out of school and become a comedy writer. She scored an internship with The Colbert Report and then (“because I’m an anxious Jew who is the daughter of two anxious Jews”) went back to finish her degree before working for Jimmy Kimmel for eight years. (And scoring a few awards while working there!) She then puts out a “ghost memoir” in 2020 called Nobody Will Tell You This But Me which becomes a big New York Times bestseller and ranked one of the best books of the year by Vogue, Forbes, Wired and others. (Jodi Picoult said “I have not been so profoundly moved by a book in years.”)

Today Bess Kalb is 34 years old. She lives in Hollywood with one kid and another on the way. And she is a truly prolific comedic genius. She’s been nominated for an Emmy and a Writer’s Guild Award and has also written for The Academy Awards, The Democratic National Convention, and her incredible special Yearly Departed (where she is Creator, Executive Producer, and Head Writer).

Do you know Yearly Departed?

Leslie and I loved it. You can stream it on Amazon Prime. (2020 or 2021!) Bess came up with the idea of developing a comic sendoff to 2020 with a mock funeral featuring female comics, each coming onstage to give short eulogies to parts of the year. Tiffany Haddish shows up. Sarah Silverman shows up. Dulcé Sloan shows up. Jane Fonda shows up. It’s a huge hit and she pulls it off again in 2021. It’s fresh and funny and creates wonderfully necessary sign-posts as we navigate the (hopefully?) tail-end of this horrible pandemic.

With the brilliant full moon above our heads let’s sit down with the equally brilliant Bess Kalb to talk about: how we keep anxiety at bay, how we help dismantle celebrity culture, what is one way to define success after making it up the ladder, how might we think about “diversity hiring”, what gender norms are baked into the comedy that we consume, what is a structurally perfect joke, what might a fake male virtual assistant buy you, and much, much, more, including the amazing Bess Kalb’s 3 most formative books.

Let’s flip the page into Chapter 95 now…

What You'll Learn:

  • How can we keep our anxiety at bay?

  • How can we ditch celebrity culture?

  • What gender norms are baked into the comedy we consume?

  • What is a structurally perfect joke?

  • What can a virtual male assistant buy you?

  • What’s one way to define career success?

  • How do we take down boy’s clubs?

Notable quotes from bess kalb

“Truth is comedy and drama. That is life. Comedy isn't funny if there isn't pathos in it. Drama doesn't work, if there isn't humanity in it.” Bess Kalb #3bookspodcast

“Nobody is better at suspension of reality than kids” Bess Kalb #3bookspodcast

“The late 80s were a good time for child neglect. It was before Instagram showed you that you were a terrible mother.”  Bess Kalb #3bookspodcast

“I don’t deal with anxiety. I just internalize it. And then I watch the Great British Baking show.” Bess Kalb #3bookspodcast

“I think it's really smart in the survival of the species, that who we are attracted to often mirrors what we wish we could be and what we need.” Bess Kalb #3bookspodcast

“You can't pull the ladder up behind you. Once you have some modicum of success, the whole point is to create a platform for other people to do the same.” Bess Kalb #3bookspodcast

“There are more women on the Supreme Court than in all of late night television.” Bess Kalb #3bookspodcast

“I would say the percentage of women who try to be funny and succeed is so much higher than the percentage of men who try to be funny and succeed.” Bess Kalb #3bookspodcast

“Most boys clubs that are boys clubs exist because the people at the top hire people who remind them of themselves.” Bess Kalb #3bookspodcast

“You will have a funnier show If there are people writing for the show who the audience feels reflects their experience.” Bess Kalb #3bookspodcast

“The best comedy late night shows have women on staff.” Bess Kalb #3bookspodcast

“Let's create a space where the people who have been excluded and have not been represented by comedy and by stand up just get to do what they want.” Bess Kalb #3bookspodcast

“Write what you would like to read. Work with people who are kind. And get the epidural! Bess Kalb #3bookspodcast

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Chapter 94: Dan the Tailor on rappelling rabbit-holes and rocking with Ronnie

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Daniel Torjman is beautiful.

And so is his incredible store 18 Waits.

Two years ago I was walking down Queen Street West in Toronto and I noticed a couple nice men’s shirts in a window and stepped inside. I was greeted by an old hardwood floor, jazz playing on a record, classic literature on display, and an incredibly curated assortment of shirts, coats, bandanas, and hats. I started chatting with owner (tailor! captain!) Daniel Torjman and discovered we were the same age and he was also a fairly new dad trying to figure it all out.

Dan went down to New York and was a student at the Fashion Institute of Technology (FIT). He then worked as a production manager for Rogan where he helped open their flagship store in TriBeCa. When he came back to Canada, he turned his attention to conceptualizing 18 Waits which emphasizes quality material and craftsmanship with incredible hand-made, local-made clothes. Every item even has a handwritten number on the tag which shows how many kilometers away from the shop the clothes were made!

I bought a splashy floral shirt and began wearing it to my speeches. Now not an event goes by without someone asking me where I got it. I always tell them to visit Dan and point them to 18waits.com. The clothes are classic, strong, and durable and there’s a patch inside every piece of clothing that reads: “Wear Well. Enjoy. Love. Destroy.”

Are you ready to hang out on a couch with me and Dan? I hope so because I promise you are in for a treat.

We are going to talk about things like: what does it mean to be genuine in a phony world? How should we enjoy the finer things in life without actually being precious with them? How do we think about searching for truth today? How should we think about where to buy our clothes? What helps create the cultural fiber of a city? What are the benefits of intergenerational friendships? Why should we let our teens go on road trips across continents? How do we become more … us? How do we encourage our kids to find themselves in a digital world that constantly pushes us towards the mean? How do we think about our comfort zones when it comes to fashion and ourselves?

Come on in and let’s flip the page into Chapter 94 now…

What You'll Learn:

  • How do you create atmosphere and community in a clothing store?

  • What does it mean to be genuine?

  • How should we enjoy the precious things in life without being precious?

  • What is a laryngectomy?

  • How can we learn to reflect positively after a dramatic event?

  • How do we search for truth?

  • How should we think about where to buy our clothes?

  • Why does globalization engender distrust?

  • What is the cultural fibre of a city?

  • Why is it so important to spread our dollars around?

  • Why should you not partake in trends?

  • What’s it like to meet The Rolling Stones?

  • What are the benefits of intergenerational friendships?

  • How are long and successful  careers sustained?

  • What is the difference between business values and life values?

  • How did LSD experimentation in the 1960s impact music and culture?

  • Why should we let our teenage kids go on road trips?

  • Why was it better to grow up without cell phones?

  • Why is the everyday so beautiful?

  • How can we become more us?

  • How can we encourage our kids to find themselves in a digital world?

  • Why are vinyl records and their liner notes so much richer in content?

  • Why is the number 18 important in the Jewish tradition?

  • How can people learn to wear fashion accessories comfortably?

  • How do books paint pictures?

  • What is the power of a genuine moment?

  • Why don’t we do high school reunions anymore?

  • What is the power of human connection?

Notable quotes from dan the tailor

“It's been a wild ride. We’re still on it. And that’s beautiful.” Dan the Tailor #3bookspodcast

“Wear well. Enjoy. Love. Destroy” - tags on his shirts - Dan the Tailor #3bookspodcast

“I don’t want you to be precious with it; use the good plates.” Dan the Tailor #3bookspodcast

“Life is short and this shouldn’t be a once a month or once a year shirt. Enjoy it. Wear it into the ground.” Dan the Tailor #3bookspodcast

“After cancer, you really think twice about what you're really going to go sideways about.” Dan the Tailor #3bookspodcast

“You know, when you take a step back, you know, there is so much beauty in life and you find it everywhere and you really got to lean into it. And that’s something we forget to do on a daily basis” Dan the Tailor #3bookspodcast

“I think that the most important thing right now is to be supporting local. Supporting your local community, supporting your neighbors, supporting the businesses and the brands and the artists and the musicians that are doing these things in city that you're living in.” Dan the Tailor #3bookspodcast

“I don’t think it’s about being expensive or fancy. I think it is about being more mindful with where you are spending your dollar.” Dan the Tailor #3bookspodcast

“We tend to live in a bubble, but there's so much outside of that bubble. And all you have to do is maybe spend time with your grandparents or your neighbors to get out of the bubble.” Dan the Tailor #3bookspodcast

On the longevity of the Rolling Stones - “it's because they really believe in it and they really, truly love it. And you can't fake that at least, you know, you can't fake it for a long” Dan the Tailor #3bookspodcast

“It comes down to being genuine and finding the real truth and happiness. It has to bring joy.” Dan the Tailor #3bookspodcast

“My business values are my life values.” Dan the Tailor #3bookspodcast

“True art is capturing the every day.” Dan the Tailor #3bookspodcast

“Find beauty in the everyday.” Dan the Tailor #3bookspodcast

“Finding my identity meant finding who I am, what interests me and is really, really, truly me, not because someone else did (it) or someone else likes it, or ..., you know, forcing myself to love that because that's what's happening.” Dan the Tailor #3bookspodcast

“Vinyl records were made purposefully so we should consume them purposefully.” Dan the Tailor #3bookspodcast

“Everything we do is with intention.” Dan the Tailor #3bookspodcast

“I look at Robert Frank’s photos and they paint an entire picture in my mind of not just the photo I'm looking at but about the moment in the day.” Dan the Tailor #3bookspodcast

“Books paint a huge visual picture for us.” Dan the Tailor #3bookspodcast

“The over documentation of everything is  pretty insane. And the problem with it is that in so doing, we're forgetting to actually live.” Dan the Tailor #3bookspodcast

“There are a lot of things that are lost when you're trying to capture something perfectly on a video or on a photo. You're looking at the screen to make something perfect on a screen, but you're missing everything else around it. And that's part of the beauty and the magic in the first place.” Dan the Tailor #3bookspodcast

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The Best of 2021: Neil Pasricha curates courageous, candid, and colorful conversations

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Can you believe it?

We started 3 Books back on March 31, 2018 with the goal of counting down the 1000 most formative books in the world. We said we would hang out on the exact minute of every single new moon and every single full moon for nearly 15 straight years until we collected all 1000 of them. We set the intention of making this show an ‘intrinsically-motivated journey’ and pledged to doing it with no ads, no sponsors, no commercials, and no interruptions. To help guide ourselves we started collecting Values like no book shame, no book guilt, quit more to read more, and the books are the hero.

For the nearly four years we’ve been hanging out I have to say this journey has felt like a warm ray of sun in my life. I hope it’s felt the same for you. My goal with this annual “Best Of” is simply to roll back through the year together and pick out moments that made us pause, ponder, and savor.

Thank you for being a 3 Booker and spending time with this incredible community of book lovers spread across the world. If you’re reading this, I love you more than lots.

Let’s stop to reflect and then keep enjoying the ride.

 
 
 
 
 
 

Chapter 93: Chris Hadfield on the sci-fi and science of sustainable space settlement

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Hello 3 Bookers!

Let’s close off our fourth year of 3 Books by sitting down with Chris Hadfield at his kitchen table. His five-month old puppy New Henry is sniffling and occasionally barking on his lap. Fat snowflakes slowly drift down outside the big window above the shelf full of succulents. And lying between us is a stack of Christmas cards that Chris is signing along with my copy of his brand new bestselling thriller The Apollo Murders … as well, of course, as his three most formative books.

Commander Chris Hadfield has lived in outer space for six months. Six months! He was named Top Test Pilot in both the US Air Force and the US Navy and has flown on three space missions, helped build two space stations, and commanded the International Space Station.

While hanging out in space Chris wasn’t just doing experiments. He was also serving as a global educator. Teaching people through YouTube and social media how to cook in space, sleep in space, and even clip your nails in space. He sent us pictures of Earth from low orbit and helped us see our planet and ourselves in a new light. And while circling Earth over two thousand times — once about every hour and a half, he says — he also made time to create the first ever music video shot in space. You’ve probably seen his cover of David Bowie’s “Space Oddity” which has now been viewed over 100 million times.

So: he’s an astronaut and a rock star? Yes, but that’s not all. Chris has given one of the most popular TED Talks of all time and is also a hugely bestselling author.

In 2013 he put out An Astronaut’s Guide to Life, one of the most popular memoirs in the past decade and an international bestseller for over five years. He followed that up with a photo book called You are Here and then followed that up with a lovely children’s book called The Darkest Dark. And now? Well, never content to rest on his laurels and always interested in exploring new terrain, Chris has just put out his first ever novel.

Is there anything Chris Hadfield can’t do??

I suppose NASA only selects the most perfect specimens on earth but how does somebody learn how to just … write a novel? How exactly does he think about studying the art and then creating it? What can we all learn from his combined passions for curiosity, self-learning, and self-discipline?

Plus, since Chris is one of the most decorated astronauts in the world, we also get to discuss what space travel might look like in our lifetime and our children’s lifetimes. Chris will tell us how 70,000 years ago some thought it was foolish to leave Africa … and yet some did. How 18,000 years ago some thought it was foolish to walk over ice to North America … and yet some did. How 50 years ago some thought it was foolish to blast ourselves into outer space … and yet some did. How today and in the near future some will say it’s foolish to settle on the moon or Mars … and yet some will.

I found this conversation mind-expanding on many levels. It pairs wonderfully well with The Apollo Murders which I hope you’ll check out. I’m excited for you to hang out at Chris’s kitchen table with us. I’ll be in your left ear, Chris will be in your right, and Chris is wondering if you’d like a coffee or a glass of water before we begin?

Let’s flip the page into Chapter 93 now…

What You'll Learn:

  • What is the beauty of writing Christmas cards?

  • What compels an astronaut to write a book?

  • What is the Astronaut’s prayer?

  • How do you prepare for space flight?

  • What is the first question writers should ask themselves?

  • Why should all aspiring writers read On Writing by Stephen King?

  • What do the best mystery and thriller writers have in common?

  • What do mazes and writing have in common?

  • What is the future of space flight?

  • What would humans need to survive on Mars?

  • How can we peacefully settle the moon, and further afield, as a species?

  • What do all new settlement ventures have in common?

  • What is the Earth-Moon economic system?

  • Why do astronauts often live well into their nineties?

  • What are the common attributes of an astronaut?

  • Why should we create much more mundane bucket lists?

  • How should we shape our view of the world?

Notable quotes from commander chris hadfield

“Books are a mind expanding experience which allow you to be a part of other people’s imagination.” Commander Chris Hadfield #3bookspodcast

“Writing is a personal act which helps get one’s thoughts together too.” Commander Chris Hadfield #3bookspodcast

“Start by asking why? Why am I writing this?” Commander Chris Hadfield #3bookspodcast

“I think the novel is failing if I can set it down and don’t care because then it is popcorn entertainment versus a rich 3 course meal entertainment.” Commander Chris Hadfield #3bookspodcast

“There’s a lot of fact in fiction.” Commander Chris Hadfield #3bookspodcast

“The moon is a huge untapped geological resource.” Commander Chris Hadfield #3bookspodcast

“There are a lot of Mysterious Islands out there.” Commander Chris Hadfield #3bookspodcast

“You lose weight in the kitchen and you get strong in the gym.” Commander Chris Hadfield #3bookspodcast

“Always take the stairs. Carry your own bag. Walk if you can.” Commander Chris Hadfield #3bookspodcast

“Be deliberate in what you eat. It is one of the few things you can control. Move consciously everyday. Stay mentally engaged, stay motivated and be a student your whole life.”Commander Chris Hadfield #3bookspodcast

“If there is one unifying definition of an astronaut it is the perpetual dissatisfaction with their own level of skill.” Commander Chris Hadfield #3bookspodcast

“People begrudge the internet. What an incredible resource to access all the information of the world.” Commander Chris Hadfield #3bookspodcast

“If you are not learning another language, you need to answer to yourself. Why not?” Commander Chris Hadfield #3bookspodcast

“You need to set your own measures of success.” Commander Chris Hadfield #3bookspodcast

“If you hate the process of your own life in the hopes that someday someone will acknowledge something, you’re not going to be healthy. You’re not going to be happy.” Commander Chris Hadfield #3bookspodcast

“Take pleasure and delight in your own happiness.”Commander Chris Hadfield #3bookspodcast

“Build your picture of the world based on factfulness and then read the news rather than letting however the news was skewed and hammered at you force your version of the world.”Commander Chris Hadfield #3bookspodcast

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