Chapter 70: Brené Brown on building boundaries and the beacon of bell

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Leslie and I had just started dating when she sent me a short clip of Brené Brown explaining the difference between empathy and sympathy. Empathy is climbing down into the hole with somebody and saying “Hey, I know what it’s like down here, and you’re not alone.” Sympathy is poking your head in the top of the hole and saying “Ooo! It’s bad, uh-huh!” Brené’s simple-sounding words created such a profound paradigm shift that we still use the line “Come down to the hole with me” in our relationship when we’re looking for deeper understanding (i.e., trying to get out of a fight.)

That clip was the beginning of Brené’s incredible work entering our marriage. When we found out we were going to have a baby Leslie printed out her Parenting Manifesto and put it up on our wall. Leslie took Brené’s Kitchen Table Parenting Classes and we sat together watching her viral TED Talks, The Power of Vulnerability and Listening to Shame. I gave Leslie a copy of Daring Greatly on the day she gave a speech to her old high school and I was lucky to see Brené give a talk at a conference full of A-listers where hers was the only talk punctuated throughout the speech with standing ovation after standing ovation.

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Her wisdom may sound simple but it just hits you like a ton of bricks. Many of her lessons have themselves become tendons in our relationship including the phrase, “The story I’m telling myself is…” which we use to navigate tough conversations and not lay blame.

Her #1 New York Times bestsellers Daring Greatly, The Gifts of Imperfection, Braving the Wilderness, Rising Strong and Dare to Lead grace our shelves and often lie beside our bed. We turn to them again and again. We loved her Netflix special The Call to Courage and her hit podcasts — yes, plural! — Unlocking Us and Dare to Lead featuring a lot of no-name guests like President Barack Obama, Dolly Parton, and President-Elect Joe Biden. I mean: come on!

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Brené is a North Star to so many.

Teachers, CEOs, movie stars, Oprah, and even Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are amongst her legion of fans. She is doing so much good in a world full of anxiety, grief, misunderstanding and miscommunication.

She is the beacon we all need.

It was a huge privilege to sit down and interview Brené together with my wife Leslie. We loved this intimate and wide-ranging conversation discussing questions like: How do we truly honor our partners? What is the value of ordinary moments? How do we actually operationalize love? How do we build and maintain boundaries? How do we become ‘less sweet and more kind’? And, of course, what are Brené Brown’s 3 most formative books?

Are you ready? Please sit back and enjoy Chapter 70 with the one and only … Brené Brown.

Let’s go!

What You'll Learn:

  • How do we make time for friends?

  • How do we find contentment within our sphere of influence?

  • What does it mean to be spiritually fit?

  • How do we build and maintain boundaries?

  • How do we become “less sweet and more kind”?

  • How can a classroom be transformed into a sacred space?

  • What does it take to be a great teacher?

  • What is meant by the phrase “education as the practice of freedom”?

  • How can we better train teachers to be agents of change?

  • What is a love ethic?

  • What is a pandemic of lovelessness?

  • How can we learn to love?

Notable quotes from Brené Brown:

“We take ordinary moments for granted bc we are so busy chasing down extraordinary moments to just performatively show these moments for validation.” - Brené Brown #3bookspodcast

“I vowed to never take ordinary moments for granted; if I start taking photos and sharing and checking for likes, then I have squandered this moment that is actually the fuel for my life.” - Brené Brown #3bookspodcast

“What does it mean for me to be spiritually fit? It means is a very robust gratitude practice; alone time; acting out my love for the people in my life and not just professing it; it means getting a handle on my anger and blaming.” - Brené Brown #3bookspodcast

“I have become less sweet and more kind.” - Brené Brown #3bookspodcast

“Wholeheartedness is like the North star. You’ll never get there but you’ll know if you are heading in the right direction.” - Brené Brown #3bookspodcast

“Inspired by bell hooks, I made a sign saying, If They’re Comfortable, You’re Not Teaching.” - Brené Brown #3bookspodcast

“If all work at its foundation is not anti racist, anti sexist, liberation work, then I don’t think teaching can happen.” - Brené Brown #3bookspodcast

“There are teachers that are agents of control and teachers that are agents of change.” - Brené Brown #3bookspodcast

How do we operationalize love because professing it is so easy and so cheap.” - Brené Brown #3bookspodcast

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Chapter 69: Cheryl Strayed on forging fearlessness and fracturing facades

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I am so delighted to close out 2020 with the magical wisdom of the one and only … Cheryl Strayed.

Cheryl is the New York Times bestselling author of Wild, the Oprah’s Book Club pick turned blockbuster film starring Reese Witherspoon, Brave Enough, a collection of raw and unflinchingly brave quotes, and Torch, her award-winning debut novel.

And then there’s my personal favorite! The Dear Sugar Column she wrote for years in The Rumpus literary magazine where she navigated the deep tissue of the human experience through raw and honest advice under the pseudonym Sugar. Since the letters were also written under pseudonym it’s an exquisite portrait of anonymous loving beating hearts of humanity connecting with no names and no faces — just riding the waves of life together. Cheryl’s bestselling book Tiny Beautiful Things is a magnificent compilation from the column that spawned the hit podcasts Dear Sugars and Sugar Calling.

How did Cheryl gain such deep perception of the human experience? 

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Is it through the abuse she discusses suffering as a child and her upbringing in “the boondocks” of Minnesota in a house her family built without electricity or plumbing? Was it through the sudden death of her mother Bobbi while she was in her senior year and the famed walk she took afterwards up the Pacific Crest Trail? Was it the MA in Fine Arts she got from Syracuse where she was mentored by George Saunders? Or is it simply the sum total of her incredible perception on top of the varied experiences she’s had through jobs as waitress, youth advocate, political organizer, activist, and even emergency medical technician? 

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All I know is Cheryl is a singular, lyrical, big-hearted voice who never shies away from the deep questions. In this conversation we discuss things like: How do we deal with grief? How do we live objectively in a subjective world? How should we think about meeting our heroes? What is the power of community and connection? How do we write with vulnerability?

And of course, what are the eminent Cheryl Strayed’s … 3 most formative books?

Let’s go! 

What You'll Learn:

  • What is the double standard when it comes to men and women’s appearances?

  • Why do we not use the term “working dad”?

  • How are books a portal?

  • How can books break down facades?

  • How do we turn grief into beauty?

  • What is objective reality?

  • How should we think about space?

  • How can people work to understand white privilege and complicity?

  • How can community transcend political differences?

  • How can we learn to write with vulnerability?

  • What is your story to tell and what isn’t and why are you telling it?

  • And, of course, what are Cheryl Strayed’s 3 most formative books?

Notable quotes from Cheryl Strayed:

“There is yes in the optimistic sense and there is yes in the recognition sense.” Cheryl Strayed #3bookspodcast

“Men need to wake-up and play a part in making change and women need to work on combating those internalized messages that we’ve received all of our lives, that we’ve been steeped in all of our lives.” Cheryl Strayed #3bookspodcast

“Books are the only place where we actually get to inhabit another person’s mind.” Cheryl Strayed #3bookspodcast

“I’m interested in the emotional terrain, that’s the geography of my intellectual and artistic curiosity.” Cheryl Strayed #3bookspodcast

“Tears are like laughter; they come to us and then they float away.” Cheryl Strayed #3bookspodcast

“I don’t want to know how you are, I want to know how you are really. I don’t want to know who you are, I want to know who you are really.” Cheryl Strayed #3bookspodcast

“I do think that almost always when we are searching for the truth within ourselves that we know what the truth is and we have to be brave enough to hold it, to know it, to accept it.” Cheryl Strayed #3bookspodcast

“When you are forced to relate to people who you don’t have things in common with, it can be a mind expanding experience.” Cheryl Strayed #3bookspodcast

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Best of 3 Books podcast 2020

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Happy winter solstice! Happy summer solstice!

If you’re in the northern hemisphere, we are tilted farther away from the sun today compared to any other day of the year. The darkest of dark days! But if you’re in the southern hemisphere, you are officially tilted closer to the sun than any other day of the year. The brightest of bright days!

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Do you feel a bit tilted right now? I know I do. It has been a wild year from almost any perspective. And the tiltiest of days seemed like the perfect time to drop our third annual “Best Of” special episode of 3 Books.

I went back and listened to every conversation we had this year and picked out highlights I thought would provoke, stimulate, and challenge us. We sat down with so many inspiring people including Rich Roll, Dr. Laura Markham, Wagner Moura, Roxane Gay, Dr. Andrea Sereda, Derek Forgie, Temple Grandin, David Mitchell, Surgeon General Vivek Murthy and many, many more…

I hope this patchwork quilt conversation serves to both help us reflect on the year that was and help us set intentions for the year that will be. We have been through a lot. Grab a blanket and a cup of tea, settle in for a long drive, strap on some boots and let’s enjoy some time together now…

I really love having this conversation with you.

 
 
 
 
 
 

Chapter 68: Roger Martin on mercenary monopolies, material mentors, and managing mayhem

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Roger Martin has been called the #1 management thinker in the world by Thinkers50.

I’m not surprised.

For the past twenty years I have often been in crowds gathered around Roger to hear him speak. Like Marshall McLuhan or Malcolm Gladwell, he has a singular visionary worldview that’s simultaneously astonishingly insightful and deeply humble.

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After graduating from Harvard Business School, Roger went on to be a top director at The Monitor Group, the boutique strategic consultancy firm cofounded by Michael Porter. He then became Dean of Rotman School of Management at University of Toronto, where he not only managed to 10x revenue during his tenure, but massively elevated Rotman’s status globally until it became one of the top business schools in the world. Most interestingly, he applied a series of counterintuitive management practices to placate disillusioned staff operating in a Lord of the Flies type setting.

Along the way, he’s managed to author a number of bestselling strategy books including Playing To Win and The Opposable Mind. This year, he released When More Is Not Better which I think is his best book to date. (I called it my #1 non-fiction read of 2020.) In the book, Roger calls out a very broken system of democratic capitalism, rusted from within, favouring the elite over a working class struggling to make ends meet. But, unlike most business books which sort of stop at illuminating the problem, Roger actually spends most of his time offering tangible and concrete solutions that have proven to work elsewhere.

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If you are the leader of a team, a community group, or within a family, you will gain a ton of actionable wisdom from Roger Martin. There is so much here, from countering monopolies to designing slack systems and building trust. 

Roger Martin is a self effacing, deeply humble genius with the power to distill complex ideas into digestible concepts.

Ready for this masterclass?

Let’s go!

What You'll Learn:

  • What is the real definition of capitalism?

  • How do we get capitalism working for the middle class?

  • What is “multi-homing” and how can we do it?

  • What are the issues with Amazon, Facebook, and other monopolies?

  • How should politicians really be passing laws?

  • How would you introduce gun control in the US?

  • What is slack and why do we need more in business?

  • Why is principled leadership so critical and what does it look like?

  • Why is face to face better for conflict resolution?

  • How can we change repetitive behaviours which do not serve us?

  • How do you move yourself along the path towards true mastery in any art or craft?

  • And, of course, what are Roger Martin’s three most formative books?

Notable quotes from Roger Martin:

“Capitalism, done well, is still the best system that I’ve seen.” - @RogerLMartin #3bookspodcast

“Citizens have to act as though their consumer patterns do really matter rather than just go along with these things.” - @RogerLMartin #3bookspodcast

“There is an optimum slack in every system and it isn’t zero.” - @RogerLMartin #3bookspodcast

“Leaders simply have to set an example and stick with their principles and people will follow. People will want to follow.” - @RogerLMartin #3bookspodcast

“Stop worrying too much about convincing others; convince yourself.” - @RogerLMartin #3bookspodcast

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Chapter 67: Roxane Gay on lessons in love and the lethal lure of likeability

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Provocative bestselling author. Prestigious editor. Prolific book reviewer. Passionate press founder. Prominent professor. Powerful speaker. Perceptive social commentator.

Phew!

Is it any wonder Roxane Gay has been dubbed by Playboy as the most important and most accessible feminist critic of our time?

Over 1,000,000 people follow Roxane across Twitter, Instagram, and GoodReads, where she is, no big deal, currently the #1 ranked best book reviewer on the entire platform. So she’s an Internet junkie then, right? One of those social media “influencer” people? That kind of thing?

Oh no, no, no, no, no! Roxane Gay is not that. She writes the Work Friend column at The New York Times as well as regular Op-Eds. She is the author of numerous bestselling books including Ayiti, Bad Feminist, An Untamed State, Difficult Women and Hunger. She was an editor for The Rumpus, co founded PANK literary magazine, and is currently editor at Gay Mag. She launched Tiny Hardcore Press (in her words, publishing “books tiny in stature but grand in reach and spirit,”) and has been a professor at Eastern Illinois, Purdue, and Yale.

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Roxane’s work is known for challenging mainstream narratives and deconstructing feminist and cultural issues through the lens of her personal experience as a Black queer writer. I spent weeks preparing for this conversation and felt like a ravenous wolf trying to read and listen to as much Roxane as I could find. I read and loved Bad Feminist, dug into her treasure trove of essays on Medium, and listened to her on many podcasts including two episodes on the wonderful Design Matters with her wife Debbie Millman. And still: I didn’t scratch the surface. She is such a prolific voice.

We talk relationships, love, morality, sex, and, of course, her three most formative books. Are you ready to hang out with Roxane’s incredibly compelling mind?

Let’s go!

PS. This chapter is in partnership with Roxane and Performance Space NY, an alternative arts hub currently raising funds for housing insecure Black and trans artists. The arts world needs us all the time but even more so during this pandemic. Please consider donating. I will match all 3 Books listener donations up to $5000. Please email Manuela at manuela@globalhappiness.org with your donation receipt. Thank you!

What You'll Learn:

  • How do you navigate the TBR (to be read) pile?

  • What are the ingredients for finding love?

  • What does it mean to be loved well?

  • What is cultural relativism?

  • What is the true power of a book?

  • How do we teach kids about sex these days?

  • Why is it so destructive to associate sex with shame?

  • How do we stop caring about what other people think?

  • How do we become better writers?

Notable quotes from Roxane Gay:

“There isn’t any nobility in settling.” - @rgay #3bookspodcast

“A lot of self-help has you believe that you have to find that thing within yourself and that if you work hard enough at loving yourself you will be ready for someone to love you and that’s just nonsense. It might work for 4 people. But most of us are full of self loathing and people love us anyway.” - @rgay #3bookspodcast

“I didn’t really learn that I deserved to be loved well until I was loved well.” - @rgay #3bookspodcast

“When we talk about cultural relativism, especially in the United States, we tend to be overly prescriptive and to think that what is good for us is inherently good for everyone else, but that’s not the case.” - @rgay #3bookspodcast

“When we talk about wokeness really what we’re saying is that you make me uncomfortable because you are forcing me to question my place in the world and how the world functions and how I benefit from it.” - @rgay #3bookspodcast

“I think we have to decouple sex from shame and from morality, and do so in age-appropriate ways, and in ways that respect parents’ values.” - @rgay #3bookspodcast

“In a perfect world, children would not feel like sexuality is this shameful secretive thing.” - @rgay #3bookspodcast

“It’s not necessarily a question of how we learn to live with being unlikeable, it’s how we learn to stop placing value judgements on behaviours of others.” - @rgay #3bookspodcast

“Being unlikable is not unacceptable.” - @rgay #3bookspodcast

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Chapter 66: Vivek Murthy on loneliness, living longer, and leading with love

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So Joe Biden gets elected President on a Saturday.

Who does he call up on Sunday?

Vivek Murthy.

The former Surgeon General of the United States under Barack Obama and the new co-chair of Biden’s Coronavirus Task Force offers such a unique combination of indisputable professional acumen with calm and resonant introspection.

I was first drawn to Vivek Murthy back in September of 2017 when I came across a cover story he wrote in Harvard Business Review called Work and the Loneliness Epidemic. I couldn’t believe it! Doesn’t the Surgeon General usually warn about smoking, obesity, and AIDS? Yet here was a medical doctor, in the most public forum, warning us on the perils of … loneliness. 

I took the piece to heart and let it lead me down a rabbit hole of research on solitude. I even quoted Vivek in You Are Awesome. Vivek’s CV reads like an Indian parent’s dream with a high school valedictorian followed by a Harvard undergrad and then Yale to become (no biggie) a doctor with an MBA!

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What did he do on the side? He founded VISIONS Worldwide (a not for profit focused on HIV/AIDS education in the United States and rural India) in 1995 and Doctors For America ( which fights for access to high quality affordable health care for the most needy) in 2008. He would then alternate years in medical practice with time in the highest echelons of government.  

Vivek released his wonderful book Together which went straight to the New York Times bestseller list and was endorsed by Malcolm Gladwell, our guest in Chapter 37 of 3 Books, who said: “Vivek Murthy reminds us that our national conversation about medicine has been too narrowly focused on hospitals, doctors and drugs and not enough on the human connections that sustain us.” Amen!

Fascinated by his prodigious intellect and dedication to the service of others, I knew I would love to chat with him on 3 Books. Susan Cain generously introduced us and Vivek then gave us the incredible gift of his time … spread out over two interviews across two months and stitched together here.

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What are the social implications of COVID? How do we prioritize the people in our lives who matter most? What is the best way to pursue a spiritual path? What is higher energy and how can we channel it? How do we deepen our friendships? What is a moai and how can one be used to help our spiritual and emotional growth? What does it mean to be guided by love versus fear? And, of course, what are former Surgeon General Vivek Murthy’s 3 most formative books?

I hope you see why Vivek’s voice resonates so powerfully in medical, business and political circles. His contemplative bias, humility, and calm in the face of this pandemic are a gift. If I was elected President, I would call him the next day, too!

Sit back and let his words and advice be the balm of wisdom that we can all benefit from right now.

Let’s go!

What You'll Learn:

  • How will the pandemic allow us to rebalance our priorities?

  • What is true service to others according to Hindu spiritual teachings?

  • How do religions share spirituality? 

  • How do we stay deeply connected to who we really are?

  • How can we be truly vulnerable with our friends?

  • What is the real power of an open ended question?

  • What does it mean to be fully present?

  • Why does multitasking not work?

  • What is sacred space and why is it so critical to our wellbeing?

  • How can friends keep us honest?

  • How can we offer kindness to others?

  • How should we define success?

  • How do we experience God?

  • How can we create a better world for our children?

  • How can we trust today?

  • What is the importance of pausing?

  • What can help us live longer?

  • How do we listen to ourselves and learn to be alone to foster deeper connections?

Notable quotes from Vivek Murthy:

“Most of us have a gap between our stated priorities and our lived priorities.” - @vivek_murthy #3bookspodcast

“Living a spiritual life is about living a life that is informed by, guided by and powered by love.” - @vivek_murthy #3bookspodcast

“It is in our vulnerable moments when we are honest with each other that we forge strong bonds and where we also grow as people.” - @vivek_murthy #3bookspodcast

“Being real is not about divulging everything, it is about being authentic in what it is you choose to share.” - @vivek_murthy #3bookspodcast

“One of the extraordinary benefits of being fully present is that it can stretch time and make 5 minutes feel like 30.” - @vivek_murthy #3bookspodcast

“We have great power within us, the power to make someone else feel seen as a witness to their journey and to make them feel like they matter. We can do all of that simply by being present with the power of our attention.” - @vivek_murthy #3bookspodcast

“We have to dedicate ourselves to helping people meet their basic needs for sleep, food, housing. Unless we do that, then we’re not practicing the spirituality that we may understand at a theoretical level.” - @vivek_murthy

“We now know from science, we don’t really multitask, we task switch.” - @vivek_murthy #3bookspodcast

“It is much harder to multitask when you have to look at somebody.” - @vivek_murthy #3bookspodcast

“We all need some sacred space that is free from distraction, where we can focus on grounding ourselves. Whether we use that time to meditate, read, walk in nature, or to just observe our breath, that time is absolutely essential.” - @vivek_murthy #3bookspodcast

“In this tension we have between being and doing I think we overvalue doing and we undervalue being.” - @vivek_murthy #3bookspodcast

“We need friends to be our mirrors and show us who we really are.” - @vivek_murthy #3bookspodcast

“Staying committed to living and building a people centered life is so essential to creating a fulfilling life for us and delivering the kind of society that we want our children to inherit.” - @vivek_murthy #3bookspodcast

“Love manifests as compassion, kindness and generosity. Fear surfaces as insecurity, jealousy, rage and anxiety. Acting out of fear leaves us feeling energetically drained, but when we act out of love it sustains us and makes us feel more whole.” - @vivek_murthy #3bookspodcast

“If we can just reach for kindness in a single moment it can open our hearts up and it can also open our eyes to what are often deeper wells of compassion and kindness.” - @vivek_murthy #3bookspodcast

“It is when we are able to reach for love whether it is in giving it or receiving it, that’s when we not only feel good but that’s when I believe we experience God.” - @vivek_murthy #3bookspodcast

“Moments of pause are what sustains our heart.” - @vivek_murthy #3bookspodcast

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Chapter 65: Nikki Giovanni on potent poetry, powerful prose, and palling with the purveyor of peace 

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Happy Blue Moon and Happy Halloween everyone!

A singular lunar event is fitting for the release of my next chapter with the venerable Nikki Giovanni. Do you know Nikki? I’m a bit ashamed to admit I didn’t until I came across her wonderful children’s book, Rosa (on American civil rights activist Rosa Parks), which I read to my kids and loved. After Apurna called 1-833-READ-A-LOT in the End of the Podcast Club in Chapter 59 and suggested Nikki as a guest, I watched her TED Talk, read some of her poems and watched this captivating interview she did with James Baldwin back in 1971.  And then I reached out to her and she graciously accepted to be interviewed for 3 Books. 

Nikki Giovanni was born in 1943 and is an American poet, writer, commentator, activist and educator. Wikipedia says she is one of the world’s best known African American poets. I think she’s one of the world’s best known poets, period! (Why do we always hedge it??)

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She is prolific and deeply introspective throughout her poetry, anthologies, recordings and nonfiction essays on topics ranging from race, to social issues, to children’s issues. She was nominated for a Grammy and was named one of Oprah Winfrey’s 25 Living Legends for her prominence in the 1960s Black Arts Movement and as a defender of both the Civil Rights and Black Power Movements. She’s been dubbed “The Poet of the Black Revolution” for her strong militant perspective.

Today, at 77, she is a distinguished professor at Virginia Tech where she still teaches and mentors students to help them find their voices. And it is from her very office that she dialled in to chat with me.

Listen in as we discuss the true meaning of activism, the true meaning of community, why it is important to hate (yes hate!), and to share what she believes is the best thing to do when you get up in the morning. And of course we get into her 3 most formative books. 

I am honored and humbled to bring you this lively conversation with the eminent Nikki Giovanni.

Let’s go!

What You'll Learn:

  • How can we be better at being alone?

  • What is a mirror check in?

  • How does poetry give us hope?

  • How can we learn to write poetry?

  • How was the first black show Soul started on TV?

  • Why was Nikki’s interview of James Baldwin a cultural turning point for the Black community?

  • Why is forgiveness overrated?

  • How can we hate productively?

  • Why is it a good idea to be old?

  • What was it like seeing a movie during segregation?

  • What still needs to be done to combat racism?

  • What is the link between abortion and capital punishment?

Notable quotes from Nikki Giovanni:

“The first person who reads your work is yourself.” – @NikkiGiovanni6 #3bookspodcast

“I think forgiveness is way overblown. I think we should learn to hate.” – @NikkiGiovanni6 #3bookspodcast

“I may not change the world, but I will not let the world change me.” – @NikkiGiovanni6 #3bookspodcast

“I am trying to make a world where people leave people alone.” – @NikkiGiovanni6 #3bookspodcast

“As long as there is a piece of me alive, I am going to carry it to the poll and let it vote.” – @NikkiGiovanni6 #3bookspodcast

“To be a white supremacist is to be a coward.” – @NikkiGiovanni6 #3bookspodcast

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Chapter 64: Rhiannon the Restaurateur on redefining reality

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So I’m walking down the street in downtown Toronto when I glance into a restaurant on my right and see a little chalkboard sign in the window which reads, “Your rights end where another person’s begin. Wear a mask.”

I found the sign to be a tiny display of civic activism. Asking people to wear masks! Demanding it, even. So tough in the service industry. I stop to snap a quick photo and the owner, Rhiannon, seeing me do this, steps outside.

We talk about how tough things are in the industry right now and discuss the challenges of enforcing masks and distance while trying to run a business.   

I decide to order a breakfast burrito, which gives me time to engage Rhiannon in a longer exchange. Turns out she was an English teacher and loves reading so I turn on my recorder and record a short guerrilla chapter of 3 Books right on her patio. (Our second after Chapter 44 with Kevin the Bookseller! And our second bar patio chapter after Chapter 27 with Robin the Bartender.)

Listen into this honest conversation about school politics, engaging reluctant readers, tackling stereotyping, hangover poutine, and of course, Rhiannon the Restaurateur’s 3 most formative books.

As this pandemic endures, we need to support our local corner shops, variety shops, and neighborhood restaurants. The future is going to need small businesses!

Let’s give some love to the beautiful Rhiannon of Grapefruit Moon.

Let’s go! 

What You'll Learn:

  • Why is revisiting books valuable?

  • How can a book inspire action?

  • How do you run a business with your mom?

  • What’s it like growing up on an island?

  • Why should we burn The Ugly Ducking?  

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Chapter 63: Brandon Stanton is harnessing histories of humble human heroes

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“If you are willing to get closer to people who are suffering, you will find the power to change the world.”

That quote by Bryan Stevenson perfectly describes the incredible work of Brandon Stanton of Humans of New York, my guest on Chapter 63 of 3 Books.

Happy Harvest Moon everyone! 

Are you surviving the onslaught of 2020?

If you’re anything like me you’re looking for grounding which is why I’m thrilled to be bringing you this uplifting exchange which completely filled my heart and soul.

Brandon Stanton is an American author, photographer, blogger, activist, and philanthropist. He is the creator of the viral sensation Humans of New York, which boasts a community of over 30 million people around the world who get a regular glimpse into the private lives of strangers through Brandon’s arresting photos and accompanying stories that reflect back to us the deeper nature of humanity.

Brandon is also the author of the New York Times bestsellers Humans of New York, Humans of New York: Stories, Little Humans of New York, and the highly anticipated new book Humans which comes out next week. (Side note: I believe he also holds the Guinness World Record for “Most Books With The Word Humans In The Title”).

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Brandon was listed as one of TIME’s 30 People Under 30 Changing The World, and received the James Joyce award for the Literary and Historical Society for Professional Achievement. Not bad for a roaming flâneur who got fired from his bond trading job and just started walking around taking pictures all day.

In this chapter we discuss:

  • What did Brandon learn while photographing Barack Obama?

  • What’s the difference between schooling and education?

  • What system did Brandon adopt to improve his reading?

  • How do we balance artistic ambition with family contentment?

  • How can cannabis help with creativity?

  • Why is it important that kids fear drugs?

  • How can we rebuild trust?

  • And of course, what are Brandon Stanton’s 3 most formative books? 

In this tumultuous year of ups and downs, pandemic havoc, incessant media and political mayhem, let this conversation be an oasis of energy to fill you back up.

Let’s go! 

What You'll Learn:

  • Why is it so important to never judge a person from one moment?

  • Who was the original inventor of the self help movement?

  • How do we separate reading from compulsion and curiosity?

  • How can you design systems to realize more of your potential? ?

  • How do we tap into our deeper artistic selves to tell better stories?

  • What is freedom and how does success limit it?

  • What is the difference between being an influencer and being an artist?

  • Where does power in a modern democracy really reside?

  • What does it take to be a historical biographer?

  • Why is getting close to people who are suffering so critical to bettering the world?

  • What does it mean to be a moral person?

Notable quotes from BRANDON STANTON:

“You can never judge a person in a moment.” - Brandon Stanton @humansofny #3bookspodcast

“It doesn’t matter how smart you are, if you don’t have knowledge, if you don’t take the time to learn from other people and learn what’s been learned before you are just never going to do anything near what you were capable of doing.” - Brandon Stanton @humansofny #3bookspodcast

“Educating yourself based on your own curriculum is going to lead to a lot more retention and a lot more growth then educating yourself in a more systemic format.” - Brandon Stanton @humansofny #3bookspodcast

“I want to get as good as possible at telling the stories of strangers that I possibly can.” - Brandon Stanton @humansofny #3bookspodcast

“So much of my growth is due to discipline and not the passion.” - Brandon Stanton @humansofny #3bookspodcast

“What marijuana does is it kind of activates that part of your brain which is more imaginative and more playful and more adventurous and your mind wanders a lot more.” - Brandon Stanton @humansofny #3bookspodcast

“Being in the proximity of the deep personal lives of other people definitely gives you more weight within which to lean into being a good person.” - Brandon Stanton @humansofny #3bookspodcast

CONNECT WITH BRANDON STANTON:

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Chapter 62: Myriam Gurba is a bold badass with a bronca against baseless bigotry and brutality

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“Xicana AF. Bitch is my pronoun.” So reads the Twitter bio of Myriam Gurba, my guest, our guest, in Chapter 62. 

A Mexican/American writer, storyteller, and visual artist from California, Myriam is the author of the true crime memoir Mean, which was hailed by O magazine as “one of the best LGBTQ+ books of all time.” She is also the author of Painting Their Portraits in Winter, Dahlia Season, as well as a number of chapbooks, all of which pack an audacious punch. And if her infectious written word is not enough, she’s toured with Sister Spit, a lesbian feminist spoken word and performance art collective. 

She traffics in Spanglish and bold truth, the kind of which is raw and fierce. 

“When I tell gringos that my Mexican grandfather worked as a publicist, the news silences them. Shocked facial expressions follow suit. Their heads look ready to explode and I can tell they’re thinking, ‘In Mexico, there are PUBLICISTS?!’ I wryly grin at these fulanos and let my smile speak on my behalf. It answers, ‘Yes, bitch, in México, there are things to publicize such as our own fucking opinions about YOU.’ - Myriam Gurba

Those words are from her viral article, Pendeja, You Ain’t Steinbeck: My Bronca with Fake-Ass Social Justice Literature, in which she takes down Jeanine Cummins’ novel American Dirt. She had been asked to review the book by Ms. Magazine, but they rejected said review on the basis that she, “lacked the fame to pen something so negative.” The controversy came to light, as well as her original critique, and the publishing world erupted. Cultural appropriation, the white gaze, racism, and the lack of diversity in the publishing industry were brought to the fore. 

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Unafraid and unapologetic, Myriam had no choice but to ride the wave of deliberation. Aspersion was only heightened, shortly thereafter, by her very publicized suspension from her teaching job in a local high school by an armed police escort. Her social media presence was deemed inappropriate. And yet, she was, in her words, simply defending students who were accusing teachers of abuse.

She is passionate and energetic, a big thinking firecracker who challenged my views and grew my thinking on so many levels for which I am so grateful. We had a jet-fueled conversation talking about racism, prejudice, growing up queer, police brutality, violence against women, the Mexican obsession with death, and, of course, Myriam Gurba’s 3 most formative books.

Are you ready for a gritty, vulnerable, and honest conversation with the one and only Myriam Gurba?

Let’s go!

(Trigger Warning: This conversation does veer into topics of sexual abuse and trauma.)

What You'll Learn:

  • Why is there so much white supremacy in publishing?

  • How can we use vulnerability to draw strength?

  • What is it like growing up queer?

  • How can we become better activists?

  • Why should the police and prison system be abolished?

  • What constitutes violence against women?

  • What systems fuel misogyny and patriarchy?

  • How can we have a better body image?

  • How do we deal with genital shame?

  • What are the roots of racism?

  • Why is it so important to engage in corporeal politics?

Notable quotes from myriam gurba:

“We are discussed as if we are the problem because we are framed as the problem, but we are never asked or invited to the table to help resolve the problem of white supremacy. “ - @lesbrains #3bookspodcast

“White folks aren’t accustomed to having to work to understand critique.” - @lesbrains #3bookspodcast

“There’s an expectation that women ought to suffer and ought to suffer, quote unquote gracefully, and then if you are a woman of color, the expectation is even greater.” - @lesbrains #3bookspodcast

“If activism matters and liberation matters to you, then you are willing to assume the risk.” - @lesbrains #3bookspodcast

“The police exist to perform spectacles of violence.” - @lesbrains #3bookspodcast

“We’re all pink on the inside is just as gross as telling a dark-skinned person we all bleed red. That might be true that we all bleed red, but some of us are forced to bleed more than others.” - @lesbrains #3bookspodcast

“For folks who are interested in the struggle for liberation, it’s important to start with your community and with the people who are already organizing in your community.” - @lesbrains 3bookspodcast

“We all have power. A lot of us forget that every single human being, if we are alive, we have some sort of power.” - @lesbrains #3bookspodcast

CONNECT WITH Myriam Gurba:

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Resources Mentioned:

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