[Oscar Encore!] Daniels existentially explore everything everywhere

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Happy new moon, everybody!

I have a very special Oscar Encore episode for you today -- in celebration of our guests little-film-that-could EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE scoring 11 (11!) Oscar nominations. Yes, the Oscars goes down in a few weeks on March 12th and it just seems worth pausing on how this remarkable non-sequel, non-superhero, paltry-budged, genre-smashing flick is suddenly poised for recognition in categories like (no biggie!) Best Picture, Best Director, Best Screenplay, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actor, Best Supporting Actress.... and on and on.

Some history! Way back in November 2021 I was in theatres in downtown Toronto and saw a preview for EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE. The trailer blew me away and when I got home I remembered at the beginning it said "A Film By Daniels". Daniels? Who's Daniels!? I started googling and discovered it was two guys named Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert who have been making films together since college. They'd made one feature film before called SWISS ARMY MAN (also known as the 'Daniel Radcliffe Farting Corpse Movie') and a slate of incredible music videos like TONGUES by Joywave, SIMPLE SONG by The Shins, and TURN DOWN FOR WHAT by DJ Snake and Lil Jon ... which has over 1.1 billion views!

I fell into a rabbit hole soaking up their incredibly creative, challenging, boundary-pushing art and reached out to Daniel Kwan (@dunkwun) to invite the guys on 3 Books. We started trading long thoughtful emails about formative books while the background buzz on their movie kept building. It started limited runs in New York and LA and the Rotten Tomatoes score was 99%! And then, just a few days before the movie got a national distribution, we sat down for this moment-in-time conversation on 3 Books.

And now: To mark the incredible run the film's had since then we've done a very special edit of the conversation. It's hot! It's tight! It's fresh! It's sizzling! And if after listening to this you want the "Directors Cut" just scroll back to Chapter 101 for the full-length "extra hour" version.

I feel strongly that this is the type of art we need in the world today -- brave, risky, challenging, beautiful, profound. So much of what gets made, especially in the big-budget worlds of film, music, and podcasting, is, you know, repetitive. It's easier! That's what makes what Daniels is doing so important. It's been a massive honor getting to know Daniels "before they were cool" all the way up to this big moment at the Oscars on March 12th.

I hope you enjoy this special Bookmark Episode of 3 Books. Enjoy!

[Oscar Encore!] Daniels existentially explore everything everywhere

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Chapter 120: Timothy Goodman on popping privilege paradigms and paving personal paths

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Happy Snow Moon, everybody!

I've been thinking a lot again about what makes life important.

I'm convinced it's just not social media. News media. The endless firehose of negativity being blasted at our brains out there. No. It's not that. It's the curtains we pull around ourselves and our loved ones to create and hold space to be our truest selves.

We’ve only got 30,000 days here and they are always, always, always fleeting. So let's make sure on 3 Books we create and hold space to talk about and celebrate what makes life sweet. Let's always plumb into the depths of inspiring and stimulating characters and people who share their wisdom with us and feel like good company on our path.

 To mark the Snow Moon we are going to be sharing company today with Timothy Goodman, one of the most open hearted, vulnerable, and artistic souls I think we've ever had on the show. How can I introduce you to him? Well, if you have this month’s issue of Time magazine Timothy drew the cover! If you live in New York City and saw a garbage truck drive by covered in doodles, that’s Timothy Goodman! If you hang out in trendy NYC hotels, Timothy Goodman has done art in the lobbies! He’s created art for the likes of Nike, Apple, Google, MOMA, Netflix, Tiffany, Samsung, Target, The New Yorker and The New York Times.

Timothy Goodman is the author of Sharpie Art Worksop and the co-creator of several social experiments including the viral blog and book, 40 Days of Dating. His first solo gallery exhibition, I’m Too Young To Not Set My Life on Fire was on view in Manhattan last year. And he just designed shoes for Kevin Durant -- the KD15! -- even though he’s a Knicks fan, as you'll hear.

Timothy has a brand new graphic memoir out called I Always Think It's Forever which talks about the year he spent travelling and falling in love. He has a wonderful way of writing -- like hiphop lyrics -- with endlessly stimulating braids of rhyme and design.

We are going to talk about: couples therapy, navigating stress, staying artistically fresh, prioritizing creativity, what it means to be a recovering misogynist, how to question our tropes about gender, mourning past versions of yourself, and of course, the incredible Timothy Goodman’s 3 most formative books.

Let’s flip the page into Chapter 120 now…

Chapter 120: Timothy Goodman on popping privilege paradigms and paving personal paths

 

What You'll Learn:

  • What is the 40 days of dating project?

  • How should we question our stereotypical tropes about gender?

  • When should a couple think about couples therapy?

  • What does it mean to be an expressionist?

  • How can artists stay fresh?

  • How can you maintain balance in life?

  • How do you prioritize creativity & values?

  • What does it mean to mourn yourself?

  • How should we take in social media?

  • What is an artist’s responsibility?

  • What does it mean to sell out?

  • What is an artist?

Notable quotes from Timothy:

“White people don't have to think about race ever. The same way men don't have to think about misogyny or sexism.” Timothy Goodman #3bookspodcast

“In some ways I call myself a recovering misogynist.” Timothy Goodman #3bookspodcast

“Your partner has direct access to your wounds.” Timothy Goodman #3bookspodcast

“There’s no such thing as selling out unless you’re going against your values.” Timothy Goodman #3bookspodcast

“As artists, we're in the business of consequence. What you put out matters. All art is political.” Timothy Goodman #3bookspodcast

“Can you find yourself in a state of becoming?” Timothy Goodman #3bookspodcast

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  • Timothy’s third book (52:28)

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Chapter 119: Steve Toltz on refining writing rituals and raising ravenous readers

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What is your favorite novel?

It's a hard question. A big question! A question that makes most people hmmm for a while before they get to an answer. If they get to an answer! But I think I know mine. My favorite novel is A Fraction of a Whole by Steve Toltz.

First, the book came to me in an interesting way. I walked into wonderful indie bookstore Type on Queen Street West in downtown Toronto a couple days before my wedding to Leslie. I was looking for a good book to take on my honeymoon. (Insert obvious joke: "You wanted to read on your honeymoon?" But yes. I did. We did!)

I spent two or three hours with incredible bookseller Kalpna who painstakingly picked book after book off the shelf working through my way-too-long list of criteria: the book couldn't be too heavy, it couldn't be too *physically* large, but it also had to last the trip because I only had one tiny bag so, you know, it had to simultaneously be fairly dense. And it had to be fiction. And it had to be fast-paced. And it would be good if it was funny. And, and, and...

Well, Kalpna (bless her) kept pulling books off the shelves and I kept doing The First Five Pages Test to check every book for pace, tone, rhythm, style, and language. I must have flipped through a few dozen books before I ended up with A Fraction of a Whole by Steve Toltz. A book I'd never heard of! By a guy I'd never heard of!

Why? Well, the first sentence pulled me in: “You never hear about a sportsman losing his sense of smell in a tragic accident and for good reason; in order for the universe to teach excruciating lessons that we are unable to apply in later life, the sportsman must lose his legs, the philosopher his mind, the painter his eyes, the musician his ears, the chef his tongue.” I kept reading and it just took off from there. Piles of accolades littered across the jacket helped too: “Shortlisted for the Man Booker Prize”, "Finalist for The Guardian First Book Award", "Deserves a place next to The Confederacy of Dunces" (Wall Street Journal), "Soars like a rocket!" (LA Times), "A comic masterpiece!" (Ottawa Citizen) and on and on...

I fell deep into Steve’s Toltz’s absurd world of endless turns and surprise pearls of wisdom and spent years since then trying to land this interview with him! He is a deep and focused writer who is well off social media and doesn't do "the rounds" so it took some time. I emailed him some of my favorite lines from his books, sat in the front row to hear him speak at the International Festival of Authors, and waited -- just waited! -- for his next novel to come out so I could try again. And now it finally has...

Steve Toltz was born in 1972 in Sydney, Australia and he is the Man Booker-shortlisted award-winning novelist of three books including A Fraction of the Whole (2008), Quicksand (2016), and his newest Here Goes Nothing (2022). I personally recommend starting with A Fraction of the Whole because it was so deeply affecting to me and many folks I've recommended it to, but all three contain his wholly original sideways genius that constantly amazes and surprises.

Steve has lived in Montreal, Vancouver, New York, Barcelona, Paris, and Los Angeles and worked as a cameraman, telemarketer, security guard, private investigator, teacher, screenwriter, and, well, a lot more. I'm not sure he's right but he says in this interview: "If you want to become a novelist you sort of have to be a loser for a while.”

I was so excited to talk to Steve Toltz and we go deep on many things including: fear of death, Woody Allen, writing by hand in two-hour chunks, finding your voice, anonymity and success, Russian Literature, how to avoid quitting, how to start big projects, raising readers, books for boys, and, of course, the incredible Steve Toltz’s 3 most formative books.

It is my privilege, pleasure, and honor to share this conversation. As always, I'll be in your left ear, Steve will be in your right, and we pull up a chair between us for you to come on in...

Let’s flip the page into Chapter 119 now…

Chapter 119: Steve Toltz on refining writing rituals and raising ravenous readers

 

What You'll Learn:

  • What does fear of death make us do?

  • What are the different ways authors develop character in a novel?

  • What is the value of a reading list?

  • What is the connection between Woody Allen and Russian Literature?

  • What misconceptions do we have about classical literature?

  • What is Steve’s writing process?

  • What is the power of writing by hand?

  • What does it mean to write with your subconscious?

  • What is a writer’s voice?

  • How do writer’s deal with anonymity and success?

  • How do we not quit big projects?

  • How can we learn to accept criticism?

  • How do we separate the art from the artist?

  • How do you raise a reader?

  • What are the best books for young boys?

  • How can we reclaim our focus?

Notable quotes from steve:

“We want to be understood, but as soon as somebody labels us we kind of struggle against it.” Steve Toltz #3bookspodcast

“The most negative thing we put out into the world is indifference, it is the fact of not helping people when we could.” Steve Toltz #3bookspodcast

“I have a beginning point and an end point, but I have no idea what the journey is. That is the process.” Steve Toltz #3bookspodcast

“When I was writing Quicksand, I think I spent three years on page one, and all of those page ones are in the book in different places.” Steve Toltz #3bookspodcast

“I just have to pick up any book that I love, read one sentence and I'm fired up to write.” Steve Toltz #3bookspodcast

“When I read an author that I love, I want to know what they loved. I wanna know how they became the writer that they were.” Steve Toltz #3bookspodcast

“Voice is usually an alter ego.” Steve Toltz #3bookspodcast

“If you wanna become a novelist, you just sort of have to be a loser for a while.” Steve Toltz #3bookspodcast

“It takes a while for talent to catch up with ambition.” Steve Toltz #3bookspodcast

“The hourly wage of a novelist puts a sweat shop to shame.” Steve Toltz #3bookspodcast

“Ignore your contemporaries and just never stop reading.” Steve Toltz #3bookspodcast

“Deep focus is the coin of the realm and that is the thing that is being lost and chipped away at. You have to fight to get your focus back. Put your technology away in another room and read.” Steve Toltz #3bookspodcast

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Chapter 118: Catherine Hernandez poses for positivity with pride and presence

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Do you ever have a book go viral through your family?

 Your aunt reads it and tells everyone at dinner. The copy gets passed along. A few more dog ears show up. The spine gets cracked. And a year later half a dozen people have read it?

 Well that's what happened in our family with Catherine Hernandez's wonderful debut novel Scarborough. I even just put it on my Best Of 2022 list!

 Catherine Hernandez is an award winning Canadian author and screenwriter.

Born in Toronto, she is a proud queer woman of Filipino, Spanish, Chinese and Indian descent. She attended Ryerson University (now called Toronto Metropolitan University) for theatre but pretty quickly realized that she wanted to write. She started in magazines but soon branched off to books and plays.

So her first novel, Scarborough tells the story of a place -- a low-income, culturally diverse neighborhood east of Toronto -- my home and the fourth largest city in North America. Scarborough is a multi-voiced novel with unforgettable characters: Victor, a black artist harassed by the police, Winsum, a West Indian restaurant owner struggling to keep it together, Bing, a gay Filipino boy who lives under the shadow of his father's mental illness, and many more.

I couldn't put it down. Neither could a lot of people! Scarborough has won a slew of prizes and awards and was turned into a critically acclaimed film which became first runner-up for the People’s Choice Award at TIFF in 2021.

Catherine has gone on to write a number of other books including Crosshairs and Singkil, The Femme Playlist. Her next book, due out in 2023, The Story of Us is about a caregiver and her elderly client. And she’s even put out children’s books, like M is for Mustache and Where Do Feelings Live.

We talk about many things in this conversation including: body image, social support systems, posing nude, finding voice, authenticity in books, the tragedy of Turtle Island, being confronted by otherness and the beautiful traditions of a Navajo wedding.

Catherine is a talent and a force and such a dream guest.

Let’s flip the page into Chapter 118 now…

Chapter 118: Catherine hernandez poses for positivity with pride and presence

What You'll Learn:

  • What is Scarlem?

  • How do we find our voice?

  • What are the singular pressures that the kids of immigrant parents feel?

  • What is it like to pose nude for a magazine?

  • How can we learn to accept and celebrate our bodies?

  • What are the Blue Zones?

  • What is true authenticity in books?

  • How can we fight the algorithms to spread the word on lesser known great books?

  • Why is being confronted by otherness an imperative?

  • What is the tragedy of Turtle Island?

  • What are the privileges of the settler?

  • What are the special elements of a Navajo wedding?

Notable quotes from catherine:

“Not having access to a lot of cash has meant that we've had to be really creative about how we spend time with one another.” Catherine Hernandez #3bookspodcast

“I always believed that my ancestors are speaking through me and I'm just putting down what they're telling me to say.” Catherine Hernandez #3bookspodcast

“I swallowed the book whole because that's what I feel like when I get a good book. It feels like it's an actual meal and you're digesting it over weeks after finishing it.” Catherine Hernandez #3bookspodcast

“When I'm reading, I don't expect that the lives of, or the terms that the characters are referring to are gonna be the same as what I know.” Catherine Hernandez #3bookspodcast

“I have to be in partnership with indigenous communities to end the system of genocide against them. And I have to be in partnership with them in order to steward this land properly with love and with a respect for their traditions.” Catherine Hernandez #3bookspodcast

“Don't focus on becoming a writer, focus on telling a story.” Catherine Hernandez #3bookspodcast

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The Best of 2022: Neil Pasricha winds and wades through wandering wisdoms

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Can you believe it?

We started 3 Books back on March 31, 2018 with the goal of counting down the 1000 most formative books in the world. We said we would hang out on the exact minute of every single new moon and every single full moon for nearly 15 straight years until we collected all 1000 of them. We set the intention of making this show an ‘intrinsically-motivated journey’ and pledged to doing it with no ads, no sponsors, no commercials, and no interruptions. To help guide ourselves we started collecting Values like no book shame, no book guilt, quit more to read more, and the books are the hero.

For the nearly five years we’ve been hanging out I have to say this journey has felt like a warm ray of sun in my life. I hope it’s felt the same for you. My goal with this annual “Best Of” is simply to roll back through the year together and pick out moments that made us pause, ponder, and savor.

Thank you for being a 3 Booker and spending time with this incredible community of book lovers spread across the world. If you’re reading this, I love you more than lots.

Let’s stop to reflect and then keep enjoying the ride.

The Best of 2022: Neil Pasricha winds and wades through wandering wisdoms

 
 
 
 
 
 

Chapter 117: Ajay Agrawal and Gina Buonaguro on puzzling pasts and portending possibilities

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On the heels of launching my latest book, Our Book of Awesome, I’m enjoying the fellowship of two authors in my life — one of whom I met 22 years ago when I was in my final year at Queen’s.

Bounding into my life at the time came a young professor named Ajay Agrawal. And I mean bounding! He was cold calling left, right and center, dancing around the room, and extremely theatrical. As you listen to him you’ll see why I found him so captivating and clairvoyant. 

Professor Ajay Agrawal has won Professor of the Year seven times! He’s like Canada’s Adam Grant. He is the co-author of the bestselling book, Prediction Machines: The Simple Economics of Artificial Intelligence, named one of the best tech books of the year by Forbes, The New York Times and The Economist. His latest book has just come out and it is called, Power and Prediction, also co-authored with Joshua Gans and Avi Goldfarb.

Ajay is a tenured professor at Rotman, a research associate at The National Bureau of Economic Research in Cambridge, Massachusetts, founder of the Creative Destruction Lab, a not-for-profit program that helps start-ups launch, and co-founder of Next Canada dedicated to the development and training of young entrepreneurs. He is also a recent winner of the Order of Canada which is the highest civilian honor that Canada awards.

Over the years I've gotten a chance to meet Ajay's truly lovely partner in life: Gina Buonaguro. And, guess what? She's a writer too! Ajay focuses on the future. Gina focuses on the past. Gina is originally from New Jersey but has been living in Toronto for many years. She started at Villanova University, all the way up to the University of British Columbia on a Fullbright Scholarship.

Gina’s written dozens of articles, won five writing grants and is the co-author of six historical fiction books, including her latest, The Virgins of Venice.

You could not think of two books which are more different: The Virgins of Venice and Power and Prediction. One is a 500 year old historical fiction saga taking place in a convent with sexy nuns. And the other a deep dive into AI.

I was intrigued by the relationship dynamics between them, what their books really say, and how their writing processes work. So I invited them, together, to come on 3 Books. I also asked Leslie to join the conversation. 

The four of us sat down in Gina and Ajay’s living room and we discussed questions like: what is the fate of girls in 16th century Venice, what does it mean for a city to be excommunicated, why has Uber been so revolutionary, what is the point vs systems solution in AI, how can books be shared and read together, what is an Untouchable Day, how can we think about living a little more intentionally, how does AI manipulate us today and it goes on and on and on.

This is a wide ranging conversation that I think you will truly enjoy.

Let’s flip the page into Chapter 117 now…

Chapter 117: Ajay Agrawal and Gina Buonaguro on puzzling pasts and portending possibilities

 

What You'll Learn:

  • What does it mean for a city to be excommunicated?

  • Why has Uber been so revolutionary?

  • What is a point solution vs a system solution in AI?

  • What is holding AI back?

  • How can books be shared and read together?

  • What is a writer’s group?

  • What is the power of reading aloud to our kids?

  • How can we bring in more quiet into our busy urban lives?

  • What is an untouchable day?

  • How can we live intentionally?

  • How does AI manipulate us?

  • What are the challenges of raising kids in a tech centric world?

  • Why are young people finding social interactions so awkward these days?

  • What is the Chinese solution to screen time?

  • What is the tension between ideology and critical thinking?

  • How can we encourage more critical thinking? 

  • How can we temper cancel culture?

  • What is the role of school today?

Notable quotes from AJAY & GINA:

“Luck comes to the prepared.” Gina Buonaguro #3bookspodcast

“We are a species that is far more simple-minded than we thought.” Ajay Agrawal #3bookspodcast

“Skyrocketing, anxiety and depression can all be pretty much tied almost perfectly with the rise of social media and, and smartphones.” Gina Buonaguro #3bookspodcast

“We need to help kids build a confidence and trust in their instincts and in their mind. Ajay Agrawal #3bookspodcast

“We must develop the muscle of using technology as a tool but not let it take over.” Ajay Agrawal #3bookspodcast

“Ideology has just shut down critical thinking in so many important parts of society.” Ajay Agrawal #3bookspodcast

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Chapter 116: Bryan Stevenson on handling haunting histories with heart and hope

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I got a phone call at 1-833-READ-A-LOT from Austin Wong in Oregon telling me we had to get Bryan Stevenson on 3 Books. I looked into Austin’s request and came upon Bryan's incredible bestseller Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption. I listened to his 10-million plus hit TED Talk "We need to talk about an injustice" and approached the Equal Justice Initiative to have him on as a guest.

We finally found a time to have the conversation way down in Austin, Texas, where we were both scheduled to speak at the same conference. He came to my hotel room at 7am -- 7am! -- and we had a wonderful exchange in front of floor-to-ceiling glass windows with the sun brightening the Texas hills outside our window. I then went downstairs two hours later and watched Bryan captivate a room full of 700 people and get the loudest standing O I may have ever heard. This is a man on a mission. And his work and his words are so vital.

Bryan Stevenson has been representing capital defendants and death row prisoners in the deep South since 1985 when he was a staff attorney with the Southern Center for Human Rights in Atlanta, Georgia. Since 1989 he has been Executive Director and founder of the Equal Justice Initiative (EJI), a private non profit law organization that focuses on social justice and human rights in the context of criminal justice reform in the US. In practice? Bryan and his team take on the cases nobody else wants: litigating on behalf of condemned prisoners, people sentenced to die in prison at age 13, disabled prisoners sentenced to death, people wrongly convicted or charged, and others whose trials are marked by racial bias or prosecutorial misconduct.

Bryan has won the McArthur Fellowship "Genius" Award, multiple Human Rights Awards, and the ACLU National Medal of Liberty. He has a degree from Harvard Law and more honorary degrees than anyone I’ve interviewed before including from Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Penn and it goes on and on.

His book Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption is a captivating must-read with 23,268 reviews on Amazon as of right now. It's been turned into a movie starring Michael B. Jordan and Jamie Foxx.

Perhaps interesting: all 3 of Bryan’s formative books are fiction. Buckle up for a heart-shaking conversation around hope, justice, slavery, capital punishment, truth, trust and much, much more.

It's an honor to help amplify the incredible work of Bryan Stevenson. Thank you to Bryan, Caitlin, McCarthy Tétrault, and the Equal Justice Initiative for helping to make this conversation happen.

Let’s flip the page into Chapter 116 now…

Chapter 116: Bryan stevenson on handling haunting histories with heart and hope

 

What You'll Learn:

  • What is the Equal Justice Initiative?

  • How can cultural institutions help redress the wrongs of oppression?

  • What is strategic rest?

  • What was it like being in a segregated school?

  • What is the true power of reading?

  • What does it mean to be sentenced to die in prison?

  • What is freedom?

  • How is justice served by the law?

  • What is narrative work?

  • How can we begin to deal with true reconciliation?

  • Why must we speak of genocide in North America?

  • How has false narrative perpetuated racism?

  • Why does capitalism perpetuate racism?

  • Why is truth so essential?

  • What is the history of the death penalty?

  • What is the link between racial bias and the death penalty?

  • What is happening with the Supreme Court?

  • Why are fear and anger such powerful forces?

  • How can a book teach compassion?

  • How must we cultivate optimism?

  • Why is hope essential?

Notable quotes from bryan:

“In books there was this real kind of a portal to a bigger world than I could see outside of my community.” Bryan Stevenson #3bookspodcast

“Wherever you live in the United States, you live in spaces where there is a history of racial injustice and it's created a pollution that compromises our ability to trust one another, to hear one another, to even see one another.” Bryan Stevenson #3bookspodcast

“We wrote this Declaration of Independence that's envied all over the world, but we didn't apply those concepts to indigenous people.” Bryan Stevenson #3bookspodcast

“The real evil of American slavery wasn't the involuntary servitude, it wasn't the forced labor, it wasn't the brutality of, and the violence of bondage. Those were horrific. But the greatest evil for me was the narrative we created to justify enslavement.” Bryan Stevenson #3bookspodcast

“Anyone who believes that the pursuit of wealth, money, profit, at all costs is going to be complicit in supporting and creating systems that oppress, disfavor and abuse people who are vulnerable.” Bryan Stevenson #3bookspodcast

“You gotta tell the truth before you get to the reconciliation. Cause if you skip the truth, you're gonna do something performative and meaningless that doesn't actually move the society forward.” Bryan Stevenson #3bookspodcast

“I don't think, if you understand our history of the violence of slavery and the horror of lynching and the degradation of segregation, that you could accept a death penalty that disproportionately impacts people of color.” Bryan Stevenson #3bookspodcast

“I think hope is our superpower. It's the thing that will get us to stand up when people say, sit down and it's the thing that will get us to speak when people say, be quiet.” Bryan Stevenson #3bookspodcast

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Chapter 115: Gabor Maté targets toxic triggers to transcend trauma

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Let’s flash back to Budapest Hungary in 1944 where a little baby boy named Gabor lay crying in his crib. He wouldn’t stop. Couldn’t stop. His mother called the doctor who said, “All my Jewish babies are crying”.

Nazis had taken over the country and killed Gabor’s grandparents in Auschwitz. Gabor’s dad was put into forced labor and his aunt was missing. Today we understand that Gabor was experiencing trauma through his mother’s stress.

His father thankfully returned after the war and when he was 12 years old, the family moved to Canada. Gabor went to the University of British Columbia before becoming a high school english teacher through the 60s and early 70s and then returned to university to become a doctor in 1977. Gabor spent over 20 years practicing family and palliative care medicine in the downtown Eastside of Vancouver -- a neighbourhood with one of the world's highest concentrations of drug addiction.

Today Gabor is the bestselling author of In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, Close Encounters with Addiction, When the Body Says No, Scattered Minds, Hold Onto Your Kids, and his brand new New York Times bestseller The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness and Healing in a Toxic World.

I bought the book when it came out from Caversham Booksellers, which is North America’s largest mental health bookstore and located in downtown Toronto. They told me Gabor had been by many times and proudly had all his books in the front window. I cracked it open and couldn't stop reading. Gabor is entrancing, passionate, and wise and I was thrilled to sit down with him at Penguin Random House headquarters during the Canadian leg of his international book tour.

We discuss: play, love, Jordan Peterson, innocence, attachment parenting, Winnie the Pooh, father-son relationships, identifying and healing from trauma, curiosity and living, shifting attitudes, formative books, and much, much more…

This conversation is a journey I don't think you'll soon forget. I find myself thinking about it nearly every day.

Let’s flip the page into Chapter 115 now…

Chapter 115: Gabor Maté targets toxic triggers to transcend trauma

 

What You'll Learn:

  • Why is loss of innocence so poignant?

  • Why should we not give up play?

  • How is love manifested?

  • What is attachment parenting?

  • Why is our culture so toxic?

  • Why must we let kids manifest the full range of their emotions?

  • How do you develop a strong father/son relationship?

  • What is trauma?

  • How can we begin healing from trauma?

  • How can we build better connections with our children?

  • How can we make sure we are meeting our children’s needs?

  • How do we balance curiosity and life?

  • How should we choose to live?

  • How can we learn to shift our attitudes towards events?

Notable quotes from GABOR:

“What if love is actually a quality that's in us. Not because we carry it consciously, but it is part of who we are. And what if that love is actually a manifestation of some truth in the world.” Gabor Maté #3bookspodcast

“Love is a manifestation of the universe.” Gabor Maté #3bookspodcast

“Human needs are not arbitrary. They're not culturally determined. They're eternal, determined by evolution.” Gabor Maté #3bookspodcast

“We build a culture based on economic imperatives not on the needs of human beings and this is toxic.” Gabor Maté #3bookspodcast

“For the child it's a loss not to see the parent the whole day.” Gabor Maté #3bookspodcast

“Don't deprive the child of your company when you don't like their behavior.” Gabor Maté #3bookspodcast

“One of the developmental needs of children is to be able to experience all their emotions, including anger.” Gabor Maté #3bookspodcast

“Anger is a boundary protection. It's necessary.” Gabor Maté #3bookspodcast

“Trauma is not the terrible things that happened, but the wound that one sustains as a result.” Gabor Maté #3bookspodcast

“Give the child latitude to experience all their emotions. Don't make their emotions wrong. But don't cater to them necessarily either.” Gabor Maté #3bookspodcast

“Children were never meant to be brought up in isolated nuclear families.” Gabor Maté #3bookspodcast

“We all have a bit of Don Quixote in us.  We don't always see reality.” Gabor Maté #3bookspodcast

“Acceptance doesn't mean that you tolerate or put up with bad stuff. It means that you accept that right now this is how it is and the question is what do I wish to do about it, which is where your attitude comes in.” Gabor Maté #3bookspodcast

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